We’ve all seen them, those ‘bloody pretentious’ parents driving around with a huge yellow sign on their rear windows… BABY ON BAORD!
Do they really think that sign will make anyone slow down…? Is there baby really more important than anyone else?
Well here’s the thing, you’re reading it all wrong….
You see I have 2 little girls and yup I had one on my window saying, Bébé à Bord! More or less pretentious in French I don’t know, anyway this is how I see it…
It’s warning to everyone else ….
Have you ever driven a car with a newborn, child or children ‘on board’?.…I have, picture this….
Place tiny blissful, adorable infant in ‘torture chair’ 3,2,1… screaming! Not just a little protest but a scream like no other. This noise would continue the entire time I drove with her on any length trip. Oh except the trip home from the hospital – that one she slept all the way home ah my beautiful perfect baby …
So I’m driving and I see the lights change to Amber…. Noooo I leg it literally, I have the focus of a formula 1 driver. The stopping would cause said creature to kick it up a notch to a sound that no other human has made before her (surely..?) so squeeze though the amber lights I would.
Get my drift…? It’s a warning to the outside world that the driver of this vehicle is dealing with all manner of distracting situations inside the car, approach with caution!
I remember doing a 4 hour drive to the snow fields with my husband and our 2 babies. Our then 2yr old with a tendency to vomit and our 4month old screamer (yes I wanted to capture a beautiful family day out with our tiny bundles in their snow suits… another story for another day)
Anyway our little screamer screamed the whole way there and the whole way home… actually I lie she fell asleep about 20minutes before we got home. At one point I moved from the front seat to the back seat desperately trying to console her, I was leaning over her, forcing my chest as close to her face as possible desperately trying to stretch my swollen breastfeeding boob into her mouth to feed her – oh how I wished for just one day to have super long boobies! “Why aren’t they longer?” I seriously yelled this in sheer frustration!
Driving to the shopping centre with my vomiting baby was no fun either, my priority should have been driving safely, indicating with enough notice to all surrounding vehicles and perhaps even taking the time to be courteous, but Oh No, … my, sweet, quiet precious little girl would go pale and then she’d just vomit, e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e!. I’d cover her in vomit catching towels, but it never really worked, I’d be reaching back trying to make sure she wasn’t choking on her vomit whilst driving with my knees and pulling over maybe remembering to indicate, most times I’d just flick the hazards lights on, Ha! it makes me laugh now but at the time it was just awful.
The hungry child
The phase I’m in at the moment is the ‘I’m hungry / thirsty child’.
Just the other day I found myself doing this: … the drive back from swimming opening drink bottle, passing over to the back seat, then ‘vomiting’ child drops drink bottle, me reaching now onto the back floor area, straining. Good, got it, re pass it back, screaming child (who no longer screams) is hungry, drops toy starts winging I reach over the other side blindly waving my hand along the floor trying to pick up small insignificant all of a sudden most important toy ever toy! Flick it with my finger somehow and manage to grab it and finally pass it to her. Grab muesli bar unwrap it pass it back ‘they’ want to show me something. “I can’t I’m driving” I say…
“But mummy look, please?”,
“No I’m driving”
Argh! So I quickly look back vomiting child (who still sometimes vomits) shows me a miniscule scratch on her arm (sigh!) “Mummy take this wrapper please”… “Mummy I finished with my water”… “Mummy I want the other toy”… “Mummy did you know…..” ahhhhhhh! I’m about to lose my mind.
SO, the next time you see a wee little yellow sign on a rear window, take a moment, keep a safe breaking distance and give a thought to the woman behind the wheel… is she sleep deprived? Is she desperately trying to keep a baby awake that’s about to fall asleep and throw the entire nights plans out the window? Is she sitting in peace and quiet wondering if her baby has somehow suffocated on something and now panicking that she can’t hear her baby or is she wincing at the ear piercing squeals from her perfect little bundle…..?
Baby on bard.... it's a warning people :)